From Outsider to Insider: How I Stopped Feeling Like I Didn't Belong

"I don't belong here."

It's so easy to feel this way, as imposter syndrome creeps into our lives, making us wonder how we managed to sneak by and who's going to realize we're out of place.

I've spent much of my life not really belonging. I studied Latin American Studies and Spanish while my peers focused on business. I opted out of the stress of corporate America and left after only three years in advertising. When I left New York for Paraguay, my conversational Spanish wasn't where I imagined it should be. When I started working for WWF in Germany, I was at least 10 years younger than my colleagues, one of the only non-Germans, and not a scientist.

As a contract facilitator and coach working in an international leadership center, I was again one of the youngest facilitators and executive coaches on the roster. People couldn't quite believe I had the credentials or experience to empower senior execs and leaders. And yet, there I was, having passed all the same assessments as they had.

I've often been the youngest, the oldest, the only representative of a non-profit, the only foreigner, the lowest earner, or the only person with a full-time job. Even now in London, I find myself in spaces where I "don't belong."

A client of mine once told me that as a younger woman she had a choice to make. She was invited to participate in a conference in a country far from her own, and while her family had to save up for a couple of years before she could accept the invitation, and she easily could have been intimidated by the prestige or wealth of those who shared the space with her, she made the choice that day to belong. She deserved to be there, despite all evidence to the contrary. And every day ever since she decided, "I belong here" no matter where she went, wherever she wanted to be, and opened up the door for herself to step through to new stages (quite literally).

Her story always stuck with me.

I recently found myself in a room where I could have easily told myself I didn't belong. I reached out to a remarkable founder whose work I admire, and she invited me to join her and some friends for a drink. Ordinarily, I might have declined, thinking I didn't belong among these influential women. But I decided to be brave and show up.

As I shared my story of starting my podcast, my adventures with WWF, and empowering women through my work, any doubts about belonging melted away. I repeated to myself, "I belong here," remembering my own strength and value as a leader and the remarkable things I've achieved in my own life.

We each have this choice to make. We can decide to feel less than, or out of place, or we can decide that no matter who else is in the room, we belong where we are. And when we make the choice to belong, there is nothing left to prove to anyone. You can show up exactly as you are, and know that that is enough.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by showing up as your authentic self. The world needs your unique perspective and talents, so don't let the fear of not belonging hold you back. Choose to belong, and watch as new doors open before you.

I'm rooting for you.

With love,

Amanda

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