🐻 Confessions from a Recovering Extrovert

I recently uncovered a truth about myself that was as surprising to me as it might be to you: I am not purely an extrovert. This realization, long obscured by societal expectations and my own convictions about my role in the world, shed light on my true essence—a fluid blend of introversion and extroversion, evolving with my creative pursuits.

For much of my life, solitude was an unfamiliar concept. My younger years were marked by a belief that I owed my presence to those around me, that to be cared for, I must be ceaselessly available. This mindset led me to always say yes, a fear-driven effort to avoid being forgotten or considered unreliable.

The invisible pressure to be omnipresent for others filled my days, leaving me drained and disconnected from my own needs. My twenties were a whirlwind of social engagements, a cycle of exhaustion without end. It was a life dedicated to others, a reflection of my resolve to be the unwavering supporter, often at the expense of my own well-being.

I aimed to be the friend who was always there, the shoulder to lean on, the uplift in times of need. In doing so, I navigated through guilt and obligation, neglecting my needs for the sake of being there for others.

I was unaware of the importance of recharge time, self-care, or even what my own needs entailed (side note: this is why I created Energy Pulse to help you track your own energizers and drainers). My craving for connection overshadowed my fear of solitude, driving me to prioritize availability above all else.

Then, the world paused. For me, the arrival of COVID was, paradoxically, a breath of fresh air. Freed from the weight of social obligations, I found pleasure in solitude and the creative space it fostered. This period of introspection was a gateway to profound self-discovery, peeling away layers of external influences to reveal sparks of my true essence.

As I transitioned from Berlin to London, the relief of having no social commitments in a new city was palpable. My interactions became fewer but more meaningful, each connection cherished for the depth it brought to my life. This year, I've chosen to delve even deeper, curating my social circle with intention and focusing on even greater self-exploration. I've embraced the quiet, deleted all social media and distraction from my phone, and dedicated myself to becoming the truly get to know myself again – in a way I never had before.

In this space, I gained a deep clarity and understanding about who I am and what I love, stripping away the layers I’ve collected from those around me over the years and let go of old beliefs and personas that weren’t serving me. I made the choice to be more fully myself, stepping into my role as a creator and guide with newfound purpose.

This journey is ongoing. As London shows early signs of spring, I too am preparing to reengage with the world, this time with clear boundaries and a deeper understanding of my needs. This approach promises connections filled with purpose and fulfillment.

I share this story not just as a personal confession, but as an invitation to you to reflect on your own journey. Are there layers of yourself you’ve honored as “who you are” that no longer serve you? Are there parts of your life where you need to turn off the outside noise and instead listen within?

Hit reply and let me know if you’ve been experiencing your own inner wintering and what’s come out of it for you.

With love,

Amanda

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